My Job: A Rant #2

I tend to meet some of the most interesting people over the phone when they call in for tech support. One of the first memorable calls I took was from a few months back when a lady admitted to me that she thought she got a virus on her machine from surfing too many porn sites. Before letting me speak she continued on to tell me how she was newly divorced with no prospects and when she gets lonely and horny, in her own words, “Sometimes you just gotta, you know, HEEWWWW!”. That is the closest thing I can get to putting into words the sound she made. It was as if a wild badger was going to come through the phone and mount me.

The next memorable calls I received have already been written about, see My Job: A Rant and To the Woman That Told Me to Go Fuck Myself Today.

Just a few minutes ago I finished a 32 minute conversation with a man that was obviously:

A. Self employed and worked from home.

B. Between Jobs or just unemployable.

C. Can get away with some major shit at work.

I’m really pulling for A or B, because the thought of C is just too scary.

I say this because at first I thought this man was mumbling for a reason. I have had at least 3 customers that are older and on oxygen masks, and everything they say sounds muffled or like they are talking into an empty metal coffee can. The first 5 minutes I managed to make out the words IBM, bad, partition, and Screen. That was it. After the asshole stopped holding the phone with his chin and neck, I also managed to make out this, which I will try to type the way it sounded. “HHHWhen I doosh the repair insta. Nothing. Goesh back to IBM loga”.

And by this point I appropriately responded with a “Huh?” Which is my very nice and well mannered way of going “WTF!?”

He then told me “Sorry, I’m think I hab a bit toooo Mush at Lumch.”

So I am now dealing with a drunk. A drunk that needs tech support for his computer. Someone that probably couldn’t explain what was going on with his machine even if he was sober, but now I have to decipher this guys problem while using a Jack Daniels sound filter.

What proceeded, and I don’t have enough time to write it all since I should be doing class work and not spilling my verbal seed onto this page, was the drunken nerds equivalent of “Who’s on First.”

Me: What is wrong with your Machine sir, could you describe your problem?

Him: The firsh partshun ish Bahd.

Me: So you have a drive with two partitions?

Him: Hmmm Yep. Second Partshun.

Me: Are you able to access that one?

Him: Firt?

Me: No. Second.

Him: I doosh the repair insta. It jush reboots at the IBM loga. Sesh winda ish loading, and then reboots back to IBM loga.”

Me: Sir it sounds like you have hardware failure, either your motherboard is bad or the hardrive.

Him: I doosh the repair insta. It jush reboots at the IBM loga. Sesh winda ish loading, and then reboots back to IBM loga.”

Me: Right, either your motherboard is bad or the hardrive.

Him: I don want, I don want to loosh my filz.

Me: Are all your files you want to save stored in the My Documents folder?

Him: Yep.

Me: Well sir when you do a repair install, I know it sounds counter intuitive, leave it up to Microsoft, but the My Documents folder is often damaged or completely deleted anyway in a repair, so there is a good chance that even if the repair had worked, you would have lost your files.

Him: I doosh the repair insta. It jush reboots at the IBM loga. Sesh winda ish loading, and then reboots back to IBM loga.”

Me: Right sir, either you motherboard is bad or the hardrive.

This went on for about 10 minutes.

He then started talking about his monitor and how the drivers won’t work and that it only has a 640-480 resolution. Ok. Nice transition you drunk fuck. I really couldn’t help him fix this problem since he doesn’t have a working machine. I eventually got him to agree with me that once he has a hands-on tech fix his pc, he can take care of this problem with a simple download from Compaq, the maker of his monitor.

I just can’t help imagining him sobering up in the next few hours and thinking his computer wont run because of a monitor driver problem.

Dear Heath Ledger: I am going to burn in hell

*Again, to get the ball rolling on this site I have pulled this from an old social networking site I was on.

I have enjoyed most of his work and I think his passing is just as sad as River Phoenix’s was, but when I heard the news yesterday, after the first shock of the announcement, my first thought was “Well, I guess ‘Brokeback Mountain 2: Corn Pole Canyon is out of the question.”

Emo Readjustment

*This was a post I had from a social site a few months back. I figured since it stated my thoughts on the subject of “Emo’s” I would go ahead and post it here for your enjoyment or pain. Hell, both if your into that sort of thing.

Since this was a private conversation I won’t post the profile name out of respect for her privacy. I just wanted to thank her again for pointing out my profile might seem hostile towards all Emo’s, and I wanted to repost my reply to her here so that maybe I can clear something up:

Her message:
“i thought i would drop back and say hi, take the time to read your profile, but now i kinda wish i hadnt as you wont talk to me, on the count that i am an “emo” but hey each to their own and i dont slit my wrists i find that a very unfair comment as i know a lot of “emo’s! who DONT slit themselve!”

My reply:

“Thanks for coming back, I really appreciate you taking the time to write me. I think I should clarify something though, and maybe change my profile so it isn’t so hostile.

It’s not the fact that I don’t get along with emo’s, i have a few friends I do get along with it. It’s one thing to be a person that has no trouble relating your feelings to others, feelings that are actually justified like if someone hurts them or if you are upset and need to talk to someone. I can truthfully say that on the opposite end I can’t stand people who NEVER say how they feel.

But, and this is a big BUT, some of the people that take this whole emo thing too seriously and sit around and write poetry or do video blogs because they see a dead ant on the sidewalk and it really relates to their life “so lets stand around in a group hug and cry about it”, are clowns. Its one thing to see something like that and get a creative idea and write a story about it, but to have it take over your life as a way of “living” is the dumbest thing I can think of.

I have talked to a lot of emo’s and most of them are middle to upper class people under the age of 25 that have never really had to struggle for anything. But because their mommy or daddy told them NO one time when they were 14, it ruined their life so now they wear dark eye shadow and cry because a gnat splattered on their windshield, and that is somehow a metaphor for their crushed dreams of not going to that party/event/thing they were told “NO” to.

I have things that I regret and still get emotional about from when I was 14, but it is actual real life issues, like I feel regret that I never remember telling my Uncle Tom I loved him before he died. Why didn’t I punch that asshole Bill Jennings in the face after he hurt my cousin Julie?

I was told NO plenty of times, and other then my mild addiction to porn, I think I turned out to be a pretty well adjusted person.

I don’t sit around and analyze the consequences of me taking a flyswatter to a fly. I’m just happy it isn’t buzzing around my food anymore, and I have better things to think about.

Anyway, I know that was long and rambling, but I was sharing my feelings and emotions with you, so don’t judge me too harshly. Don’t be scared to stop by and say hi anytime if you want to.”